The last letter Friday, Aug 17 2007 

Dear M,

I’m deeply sorry for your loss, I know how much she meant to you. I can see how surreal all this seems, this undisturbed flow of life around us when she’s not here anymore. I wish the world would stop moving for a while, as if the end of her lifeforce robbed something off this earth. She was precious to all of us, she will always be. I can still see her smile when I close my eyes.

It’s very unfair, M, the way she was snatched away from us. And her violent end only makes it all the more painful. M, would it be less painful if I told you that she didn’t suffer much?

It was quick, M. You know I cannot see people suffering. I made sure it was as easy for her as possible. I think I even saw her smile once before she closed her eyes for the last time.

But you see, I had to do it. You both were a tad too perfect with each other, M. And you know how much I love you. I always have.

I love you, M. I’m sorry, but I saw no other way. It was time for her to leave.

I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me, M. After all, I did it for you. For us.

Forever yours,
S.

Advertisements

To a little boy Tuesday, Aug 7 2007 

Your white crown of thorns, made of guaze
Own precious blood, redder than a ruby
Little hands adorned with tubes
Keeping you alive, killing you every day.
When was the last time you ran?
Might’ve been ages ago, I think.

You sit quietly, watching us walk by
I wonder what you’re thinking –
Perhaps you dream of a football field or a cricket ground
Or just a day with your mates, coloring and singing
I know the needles hurt you, I know you cry
I know your parents tell you to hang on
And I know you’re fighting your way out.

But, sweet child, you smiled when you saw me, a stranger
And it so broke my heart – and I see
You’re still just a little child
Trying to enjoy your wheelchair ride.

So, my little new friend, I wish you good health
Great laughs, junk food and naughty times
I’ll think of you when I pray tonight
Dear one, I’ll think of you when I pray every night.

      

(I was at the hospital today, waiting for the doc. And I saw this 3 yr old in a wheelchair, head bandaged, IV lines stuck in his arm, waiting in his wheelchair. The orderly came by and start wheeling him towards the room and the kid was so taken by it that he was smiling away to glory. I smiled back unknowingly, and his smile only grew bigger and became a full blown laugh.

I don’t know who he is. I might never see him ever again in my life. But tonight, my prayers are for that little kid who should’ve been on a playground chasing a football or something instead of being on a hospital bed, eating meds and having injections.)